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Neve Shalom BAR/BAT MITZVAH PROTOCOLS

 

Mazel Tov on your upcoming simcha!  The following represents the rules concerning the observance of B’nai Mitzvah at Neve Shalom, including the policies for eligibility, when the Bar or Bat Mitzvah may be conducted, and the nature of the services.

A. ELIGIBILITY AND TRAINING

The date of your child's Bar or Bat Mitzvah has been marked on your calendar ever since it was assigned by the Synagogue and confirmed by you, generally assigned three years prior to the event.

  1. In order for one to be eligible to become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah at Neve Shalom:

    1. A student is required to have completed 5 years or be in the 5th year of Hebrew School or an equivalent program (for instance a Hebrew Day School) and

    2. Be enrolled in Hebrew School or Hebrew High at the time of the Bar or Bat Mitzvah. 

    3. Each Bar or Bat Mitzvah is expected to finish at least the seventh grade in the Hebrew School or an equivalent program, regardless of when the mitzvah falls during the school year.

    4. The family of the Bar or Bat Mitzvah must be members of Neve Shalom at the time of the Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

 

  1. To help your child become comfortable with the service, the Bar or Bat Mitzvah candidate should accompany his or her parents to at least two Shabbat morning services per month for the six month period prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.  If your child will have his or her Bar or Bat Mitzvah at another service, your family should attend that service at least twice per month for six months prior to the simcha.

  2. Formal individualized preparation will begin with the candidate approximately seven months prior to the event. Many of the B'rachot (blessings) and other skills are already incorporated into the curriculum of the school. If, however, you believe that your child needs to start preparations sooner, please arrange a meeting with the Rabbi and Hazzan as soon as possible.

  3. Neve Shalom will hold meetings for each Bar and Bat Mitzvah class to help acclimate students and their parents to the process of preparation and the significance of the transition from one stage of a family’s life to the next.  During these meetings, we will discuss:

  1. The significance of becoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

  2. The process of formally preparing to lead the service, to read Torah and the Haftarah, chant the appropriate blessings, and preparing the d’var Torah (oral presentation about the Torah portion) with the Rabbi. 

  3. The logistics of planning the service and a timeline to guide communication and information sharing with the synagogue office.

  4. Opportunities for families and family friends to participate in the services/

  5. The importance of combining our excitement in celebrating with each Bar or Bat Mitzvah family, with respect for Conservative Jewish traditions, in order to share our simcha with the entire community.  A Bar or Bat Mitzvah is an occasion of happiness for all our Neve Shalom family.

  6. We will distribute materials that the Rabbi and each Bar or Bat Mitzvah will use to prepare the various speeches that will be delivered on the day of the Bar or Bat Mitzvah service. 

  7. These meetings will enable the Rabbi to become better acquainted with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah student and his/her family, and maximize participation in the day.  You will receive a letter from the office with the exact dates of these programs.

  1. During the week before the Bar or Bat Mitzvah, there will be a final run through with the Bar or Bat Mitzvah, his or her parents and other friends or family members who will be participating in the service. This run through typically takes place at 10:00am on the Friday before the Bar of Bat Mitzvah, but please confirm timing with the Rabbi and the Hazzan at least two weeks in advance.

 

Any family member who wishes to practice their role in the service should schedule a practice session with the Hazzan or Rabbi.

B. BAR or BAT MITZVAH ON SATURDAY MORNING

  1. In general, B’nai Mitzvot take place on Saturday mornings beginning at 9:30.  Under special circumstances exceptions may be made in consultation with the Rabbi. The following times may be permitted, including:

 

  1. Monday and Thursday Bar/Bat Mitzvah, as part of the daily morning service,

  2. Rosh Chodesh Bar/Bat Mitzvah, as part of the morning service,

  3. A Shabbat Mincha and Havdalah service as part of the afternoon and evening service..

  4. When scheduling any of the above services, the synagogue will take many factors into consideration including the needs of the Bar or Bat Mitzvah and his or her family as well as potential conflicts between the service and other programs and events that take place in the building.

  5. Any changes in start time for services that routinely take place at Neve Shalom must be approved by the Ritual Committee.

  6. We typically do not schedule a Bar/Bat Mitzvah on a National Holiday (Thanksgiving, Labor Day, Fourth of July, when the Torah is read) or the surrounding weekend of the holiday.  If you nevertheless require such a time. Please know that either the Rabbi or Hazzan may be away. The clergy member who remains will officiate at the service.

 

C. BAR or BAT MITZVAH Vendors/Drop Off

  1. Please keep in mind that no deliveries may be made on Shabbat. In addition, leftovers or equipment may not be removed from the synagogue during Shabbat. Your caterer, photographer, videographer, entertainment, etc., will need to work around this. No exceptions will be made.

 

  1. Please give the names of your chosen vendors (caterer, photographer, etc..) to the office at least two months prior to your event to ensure that current insurance and kashrut forms are on file.

 

  1. Make sure that any food, supplies, or flowers are delivered to the Synagogue before noon on Friday.  (Check with the office as to any other times). Please make all arrangements for payments to the vendor(s) without involving the office and do not leave checks for your vendors with anyone in the office.  Neve Shalom will not be responsible for providing checks to the vendor.  The synagogue office will not be responsible for deliveries between you and the vendor. 

 

  1. All kippot, baskets, and booklets must be brought in before noon on the Friday before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.  Any booklets must be approved by the Rabbi 14 business days prior to the Bar or Bat Mitzvah.  If the booklets are not approved they will not be distributed. Please consult the office to determine whether the Rabbi will be present and able to review these items, taking into account vacations and Jewish holy days.  Also please note that any decor to be put on the bimah must be delivered before noon on Friday and must be taken out of the sanctuary no later than the following Tuesday following the Bar or Bat Mitzvah.  

 

D. PARTICIPATION

 

  1. The participation of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah in the Saturday morning service for most B’nai Mitzvah shall consist of:

 

  1. Reciting the blessings before and after the “maftir” or last Torah reading.

  2. Chanting the maftir Torah reading

  3. Chanting  the blessings before and after the Haftarah; and

  4. Chanting the Haftarah, or a portion thereof, as determined by the Rabbi and Hazzan. 

 

  1. Bar/Bat Mitzvah boys or girls who are qualified (in the Hazzan's judgement) to lead the service may lead the Torah Service and/or Musaf, after mastering requirements.

 

  1. Recitation of the Kiddush on Friday night is offered first to the Saturday Bar or Bat Mitzvah before offering it to others. The Bar or Bat Mitzvah may lead additional Friday night prayers as determined by the Hazzan.

 

  1. A Bar/Bat Mitzvah qualified to read Torah* will be allowed to read up to eight portions. 

 

*The requirement for reading Torah is knowledge of Hebrew and Trop (melody) to the satisfaction of the Rabbi and Hazzan.

 

  1. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah will write a D’var Torah (discussion about the Torah portion) with the support and the assistance of the rabbi and a description of his or her Haftarah, using material distributed by the Rabbi at the Family Clinic and identified by the Rabbi during the time spent learning.  The D’var Torah.will be approximately one page, double spaced, and should take approximately five (5) minutes.

 

  1. All boys should own their own tallit and tefillin, and they will be instructed on how to wear them.  Girls are strongly encouraged to own their own tallit and tefillin if they so choose.  These may be purchased at our Sisterhood Judaica shop or woven on the Sisterhood loom.

 

  1. We also encourage B’nai Mitzvah and their parents to attend the morning Minyan on Sunday (at 9:00 A.M.) or other weekdays (Monday and Thursday at 6:45 A.M.; Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 7:00 A.M.) in order to increase their familiarity with the weekday services and the “wrapping” of Tefillin.

 

  1. Mitzvah Project – The Mitzvah Project should be an enjoyable and meaningful experience. When choosing a Mitzvah Project, it is always most rewarding to choose something that relates to your passions, hobbies, or other interests. Brainstorming as a family or with someone who knows you well at Neve Shalom can help you find a well suited choice for your project. Deciding as a family is helpful if you hope to do your project together. The project is intended to add more meaning to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah experience.  

 

E. SERVICE SPECIFICS - Procedures During Service

 

  1. We strongly encourage the Bar or Bat Mitzvah to participate in Friday night services. Please check with the office two months in advance to confirm Friday evening services start time the weekend of your simcha (happy event.) Once a month, generally the first Friday, we have a Community Dinner prior to services, beginning at 6pm and followed by services at 7:30pm.  We encourage you to bring your entire extended family to enjoy dinner at a reserved table(s) prior to services. Shabbat morning services begin at 9:30 A.M.

 

  1. A young man becoming a Bar Mitzvah, should wear a tallit after it is presented to him on the bimah, at which time he will recite the appropriate blessing.  A young woman becoming a Bat Mitzvah is strongly encouraged to do the same. It is expected that the Bar or Bat Mitzvah will have his or her head covered at all services.

 

  1. Your family will be given a specific number of honors to distribute. Please speak to your family members and let them know that we ask that all Jewish men above the age of Bar Mitzvah who are given an honor wear a tallit. We ask all honorees (both men and women) to cover their heads. Women given an honor must have their shoulders covered. Should a shawl be required, we will make one available.  Guests should be made aware that their shoulders should be covered in any event.

 

  1. A charge (talk) will be offered by the Rabbi.

 

F. HONORS

  1. The congregation welcomes the participation of the family and close friends of the family in the service.  We are delighted to invite each Bar or Bat Mitzvah family to offer a number of honors to friends and relatives who are joining the family in their celebration.

 

  1. Every Shabbat there are also members of the Neve Shalom community who are entitled to honors to mark significant events in their lives.

 

  1. In order to balance the honors granted to the Bar or Bat Mitzvah and those granted to other members of the community, you will receive a form that describes which and how many honors may be assigned. Note, certain honors require a Hebrew name. Please return the completed form to the Rabbi at least two weeks before the service.  Every family may assign honors as follows, for a Shabbat morning service:

 

  1. Five verbal Aliyot:  Ideally, groups of one or two people will be invited to recite the blessings before and after five of the eight passages that will be read from the Torah.

  2. Opening and closing the ark.  Families may ask a group (ideally two people) to open and            close the ark either at the beginning or the end of the Torah service.

  3. Wrapping the Torah: a person will be called to place the cover and the ornamentation on the Torah after the conclusion of the Torah readings.

  4. With preparation, an honoree may be asked to lift the Torah at the end of the Torah service.  Anyone who has not raised the Torah recently at Neve Shalom is asked to arrange a time before Shabbat to practice with the Rabbi or with a qualified layperson.

 

  1. If you have questions about the form or if allocating the honors is a challenge because of family dynamics or the number of honors desired, please bring those issues to the Rabbi’s attention.

 

  1. Many of these honors constitute professions of faith and thus are more appropriate for Jewish men and women.  If you would like to honor friends or relatives who are not Jewish, there are a number of readings that do not constitute faith statements and which can be assigned to these friends or relatives.

 

  1. With respect to honors:

 

  1. Kindly inform the individuals whom you will honor in advance so that they are aware they will receive these honors, and that timely attendance is expected.

  2. Kindly ensure that these individuals are prepared for the role that they will be assigned, especially those who will be reciting a blessing.  

  3. The Rabbi is happy to help learn honors. Please check our website for prayers including transliterations.

 

  1. One honor that is not on the form is the privilege of chanting a passage from the Torah. * If a family member would like to read Torah, you must coordinate this with the Hazzan at least three months prior to the celebration. The person should be an experienced Torah reader or be willing to work with the Hazzan to prepare the portion.

 

Please advise any family members who would like to read from the Torah that we ask that they read directly from the scroll and not to plan on reading from other sources that contain vowels and/or trope.  It is strongly suggested that you take a photo of the verse from the Torah that will be read, and share it with the reader, as each Torah scroll is written differently.

 

G. ADVANCE ADMINISTRATIVE PREPARATIONS

 

  1. Please let the office know how many guests you are expecting at least two months prior to your simcha (celebration.)  The sanctuary seats 250 with the back wall closed. However, we can open the sanctuary if necessary to accommodate additional guests.  In general, our Shabbat morning attendees number approximately 80-100.

 

  1. Friday Night services are often in the Hayat Beit Midrash. If you are planning to have more than 40 guests attend on Friday Night, please notify the office at least two months in advance, so we can schedule that service in the sanctuary. 

 

  1. Reservations and arrangements must be made in the office well in advance for whatever facilities you will require on the weekend of the Bar or Bat Mitzvah: including Oneg Shabbat on Friday evening, Shabbat afternoon Kiddush; possible dinner or party on Saturday night or Sunday.

 

  1. As noted above, no deliveries may be made on Shabbat or holidays (including for Havdalah Bar or Bat Mitzvahs, and Saturday night parties).  Your caterer, photographer, videographer, entertainment, etc. will need to work around this. Please note that the office closes at 2pm preceding Shabbat and holiday

 

  1. Parents of the Bar or Bat Mitzvah are required to sponsor a Kiddush lunch following the morning service for all who are present, including about 80-100 regular worshippers.  You may speak to the Office Manager for further information.

 

  1. If you are a member of Neve Shalom but not having your child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah service here (for example if it will take place in Israel) you are encouraged to choose a Shabbat after the Bar or Bat Mitzvah for your child to participate in the service. You are also encouraged to sponsor a Kiddush or luncheon for the Neve Shalom community on that day.  

 

  1. Any food brought into the Synagogue must be hechshered (certified Kosher) and/or provided by a bakery, delicatessen, or caterer which has a Mashgiach (supervising Rabbi), who has the approval of the Rabbi. A list of Kosher caterers is available in the office. Please give the name of your chosen caterer to the office at least two months prior to your event to ensure that current insurance and kashrut forms are on file.

 

  1. If you intend to supplement or self-cater, it can be complicated to adhere to the synagogue kashrut standards.  If this is your preference, please coordinate closely with the office and with a layperson who will be assigned to support you.

 

  1. Because the Kiddush lunch following the Saturday morning service may have multiple sponsors, when you sponsor a Kiddush please know that you may not take leftover food home after Shabbat or distribute it to others. However, if you are the sole sponsor of a catered open luncheon, the food is yours to take home after Shabbat. You can choose to offer some of your leftovers to our evening service se’udah shlishit (meal.)

 

  1. We encourage you to donate any leftover food from your simcha to Ozanam Family Shelter, 89 Truman Drive, Edison (near the Motor Vehicle Commission). To arrange delivery call (732) 985-0327 or contact Neve Shalom’s Food Rescue Committee at FoodRescue@NeveShalom.net and ask for their assistance transporting leftover food to a shelter or food pantry.

 

  1. If you wish to have a photographer take pictures of your family during the week of your simcha, please call the office to arrange an appointment and invite the clergy in advance if you would like them in photos. Often, photographs are taken during or directly following the Friday morning run through.  Please note that clergy must be present in order to remove a Torah from the ark. Please arrange this appointment with the Rabbi and/or Hazzan.  A male photographer is required to wear a kippah while in the sanctuary or Hayat Beit Midrash. No photographs or recordings may be taken or made on Shabbat.

 

H. SPIRITUAL PREPARATION AND FOLLOW-UP

 

  1. The Bar or Bat Mitzvah and his/her family are encouraged to attend the next Shabbat Service - for his/her own sake, and as a continuation of the family’s involvement in the Jewish ritual calendar. On the Shabbat following one's Bar or Bat Mitzvah, when possible, we try to provide the "recently initiated" boy/girl with an Aliyah or other honor.  Therefore, please be in the service and alert our Gabbai (layperson who distributes Aliyot) to your presence. 

 

I. PROPER DECORUM

 

  1. We aspire to a standard of decorum that will facilitate the ability of our worshippers to pray and study Torah with focus and attention.  Our ushers will endeavor to provide all guests with the support and guidance they might need to participate in the service.  We appreciate the presence of children in services, and want them to stay with us in the sanctuary.  Remember that our B’nai Mitzvah have worked long and hard in preparation for this day and can become distracted by excessive noise.  Should babies and young children grow tired of the ritual and begin to loudly express their desire to be elsewhere, we have a cart with books and toys near the entry of the sanctuary.   Please feel free to use these toys with your child, either in the sanctuary or in the foyer if they need more room.

 

  1. The synagogue library is available for nursing mothers.  You may request a classroom be opened as a place for parents and children to ‘de-stress.’

 

  1. Cells phones and all electronics should be shut off in the Sanctuary and are not permitted to be used in the building or synagogue grounds on Shabbat. Smoking is not permitted anywhere in the building. A landline is available in the office in case of medical emergencies.

 

  1. We also ask that both men’s and women’s clothing be appropriate for the Sanctuary and a religious service. For example, covered shoulders and modest dress.

 

  1. Travel arrangements, such as travel directions and/or buses, should be made prior to the date of the simchah.  Please inform any personnel associated with buses to remain outside the building, and to not park in the fire lane.

 

  1. Please note that policies are subject to change and revision.

 

 

 

Exceptions and accommodations to the standards above can be made at the discretion of the Rabbi

 

Revised: 5/2019

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